3.30 am.

It was 3.30 am when a loud BEEP, BEEP, BEEPING erupted from the tiny travel alarm clock on Julia's side of the bed. It continued for a full minute before Julia, a strong candidate for the Gold Medal in the "Olympic Sleeping" event, groans and says, "Wa's tha'"? I reply, "It's your alarm." The beeping continues. I say, "It's going off." She struggles to sit up and pick up the offending object - a small Ikea clock. After unsuccessfully trying to turn it off, she hands it to me, says, "Turn it off." and heads for the bathroom.

I, equally unsuccessfully, attempt to turn it off. It has only three controls, one to set the time, one to set the alarm and one to turn the alarm on and off. I flip the alarm switch, nothing. I turn it on and off several times, no joy. So I open the bedroom door, go out onto the deck and throw the clock as far out into The Lake as I can.

Not really, just kidding.

OK removing the clock's battery would seem to be the smart answer, not stomping on it, or throwing it, or even putting it under the mattress, which were some of my first thoughts. I opened up the battery compartment and there was the little AA battery neatly nestled in it's own little space. Firmly in it's space, it turned out I should have said, it would not come out. I paused, how long could it continue to BEEP? I quickly decided too long and picked up a pencil to pry it out of it's cozy home. First the pencil's point broke, then the wood. Something stronger was needed, I found a handy dandy pair of nail scissors and did a successful batteryotomy that any surgeon would have been proud of at 3.30 in the morning, while still half asleep.

Silence reigned.

By now I was fully awake. As I lay there I wondered what would happen if I replaced the battery, would it start to BEEP again, or would it reset itself and start working properly? I tried to put the battery back, it was fairly dark and I could not see which way the battery should go in. It did not want to go in either way, had it expanded since I took it out a few minutes ago. or had the space shrunk? It is strange the way the mind works in the dark in the middle of the night. The battery WOULD go in I decided, it really didn't matter which way, if nothing happened one way I'd try the other. I pushed and in it went, there was an odd sort of moaning sound, but no BEEP. I looked at the face, nothing moved. I pried the battery out and replaced it the other way. Silence. The clock was dead.

Time to go to Ikea and spend another $2.99 or whatever.

Back to sleep.